When You’re the Strong Friend Who’s Secretly Struggling

Let’s be honest: being “the strong friend” is cute until it’s… not.

It’s great when you’re the one everyone calls for advice, when you’re the designated pep talk provider, the one who “always knows what to say,” the one who has the calm voice, the level head, the spiritual encouragement ready on deck. People love leaning on you. They trust you. They count on you.

And you... because you’re you; just handle it. You show up, you pray for everybody, you dry tears, you give the best “girl, breathe” speeches, and you do it with a smile.

But what happens when the strong friend starts to crack?

I think there’s a moment every strong friend hits when you’re sitting in your car, staring at the steering wheel like, okay Lord… why am I the one holding everybody else up when I’m two seconds away from dissolving myself?

You ever give someone a full motivational speech and as soon as you hang up, you slump on your bed like: “Whew. I should’ve recorded that because I needed that for ME.” Yeah… that type of moment.

Being the strong friend is weird because people don’t always realize that behind the jokes, the deep wisdom, the bold opinions, and the “I’ll handle it” attitude… you’re still human. You still get overwhelmed. You still get tired. You still need a shoulder.

But the thing about the strong friend? We don’t always ask for help. Not because we don’t want it…But because we’re so used to carrying things that we forget we don’t have to.

We hide it well, too. We can be stressed, sad, tired, mentally drained, looking like we’re going through our villain origin story, and still be the one people call when their life is falling apart. And we answer! Because that’s who we are.

But here’s something the strong friend needs to hear:

You deserve softness, too. You deserve support, too. You deserve rest, too. You deserve to fall apart without apologizing for it.

Let people show up for you. Tell someone, “Hey, I’m not good today.” Allow yourself to not be the one holding everything together for once.

Being a strong friend doesn’t mean you never struggle. It means you’re resilient, but resilience doesn’t cancel humanity.

So if today is one of those days where you’re carrying more than usual, here’s your reminder:

You don’t have to be strong every second. You’re allowed to feel. You’re allowed to break. You’re allowed to get help. And you’re allowed to be lifted by the same people you’ve carried.

Strength isn’t just in the showing up... It’s also in the opening up.

And if no one has checked on you lately, let me be the first:

How are you, really?