Part 1: I'm Not a Proverbs 31 Girl & That's Okay

For years, I chased her.

The Proverbs 31 woman.

The woman who rises while it’s still dark, keeps her house flawless, her kids in matching outfits, her husband doting and successful, and her business ventures thriving like a holy CEO. She’s gentle, graceful, and generous. She laughs without fear of the future. She’s basically the Beyoncé of the Bible.

And me?

I hit snooze five times.

I’m still figuring out what I’m called to.

Sometimes I’m bold, sometimes I cry on my bedroom floor.

I love Jesus, but I also love solitude, messy conversations, and the kind of honesty that makes the church folks nervous.

So no, I’m not a Proverbs 31 girl. And I’m finally realizing… that’s okay.

The Pressure to Be "Her"

Christian culture can sometimes hold up the Proverbs 31 woman as the ultimate blueprint for godly womanhood; as if that one poetic passage contains the full job description of every Christian woman, in every generation, in every culture.

But the gag is, Proverbs 31 wasn’t even written by a woman. It’s a mother’s wisdom to her son about the kind of partner he should look for, not a divine checklist for us to keep failing at.

That passage is poetry, not policy. It paints a picture of virtue, diligence, and honor... but it’s not meant to be a mirror that shows us every flaw we have yet to fix.

God Isn’t Asking Me to Be Her. He’s Asking Me to Be Me

God doesn’t love a curated version of you. He loves the real, unfiltered you. The you with the cracked voice and the shaky faith. The you who burns dinner sometimes or questions if she’s even making a difference. The you who shows up tired but still shows up.

The Bible is full of women who weren’t "Proverbs 31 girls":

• Ruth was a foreigner and a widow.

• Mary was a pregnant teenager with a scandal hanging over her.

• The woman at the well had five exes and a complicated living situation.

• Martha was anxious.

• Mary sat instead of served.

And yet God moved through all of them. Not because they were flawless, but because they were faithful.

Redefining Virtue

Maybe virtue looks less like performance and more like presence.

Maybe it’s about loving God in the middle of your mess, trusting him when the future looks nothing like your plan, and choosing to show up with your whole heart, even when your hands feel empty.

Being a woman of God doesn’t mean fitting a mold. It means bearing fruit. The kind that grows from abiding in Christ, not striving in comparison.

If you’re not a Proverbs 31 woman, at least not in the Pinterest-perfect way we often define her... take a deep breath. You’re not broken. You’re becoming. God is not disappointed in your becoming; he’s delighted in it.

He didn’t call you to be her.

He called you to be his.

And that’s more than okay, that’s beautiful.