27 things I learned before I turn 28...

Dear friends and enemies (Malcolm X reference, by the way),

I started writing this when I was 25 about to turn 26. It was titled "25 things I learned before I turned 26..." Life got in the way of me ever finishing and posting.. so now I am editing it to "27 things I learned before I turn 28..." My 28th birthday is approaching (slowly, but surely), but it will be here before I know it. I have some time as my birthday is May 10 - but it's bittersweet knowing my 20's are almost over.

27.5 years on this planet... goodness gracious. I am grateful for this thing called life and I am happy to be alive and well.

(I wrote this part when I was 25) A little birdie told me years ago that the brain-decision making ability isn't completely developed until age 25. That holds truth. Up until 25, I did things that felt like the right thing to do because society said they were "supposed to happen". 26-30, I am going to take charge of my own life and deciding the outcome that I want.

Coming from 27 year old now, the last sentence is very much true. I have definitely taken charge of my life and playing by my own rules.

Without further ado, here are the 27 things I have learned before I turn 28!

# 1 - Skincare first, makeup second.

A well-prepped skin before applying makeup not only makes the skin more smooth for the application of foundation, but it also helps the makeup to stay much longer than usual. But also, it's important to take care of your skin. Do the scrubs, masks, moisturizing (please don't forget this step).

#2 - It's ok if you don't know where you want to be yet. Embrace the journey.

Do I really know what I want to be when I grow up? Absolutely not. Do I think I know as of right now? I think I do. I used to HATE (and still do hate) the question, "What do you want to do for a living?" "Sis... I don't know, I'm just trying to make it to tomorrow at this point." I knew what I was good at and I knew what I struggled with, that was about it. Currently, I know I want to work with children and I know I love how the brain/mind works. Therefore, I want to be a Child Psychologist. Will I get there? TBD... We shall see.

#3 - Prioritize your relationships/friendships.

My friends mean the absolute WORLD to me. Every relationship - friendship, romantic, or otherwise- is a series of gives and takes. Relationships of any kind thrive on reciprocity. It's about finding that harmony where both parties feel heard, respected, and valued. If the scales tip too much on one side- whether it's giving or taking- it can strain the relationship. Being mindful of this balance is crucial. It's all about finding that equilibrium where both people feel valued and fulfilled in the relationship.

#4 - When we know better, we do better.

Just like the moon, we go through phases. We need to show compassion to ourselves throughout these changes. Whether it's human developmental phases like how we didn't know any better when we were younger or hormonal changes, we need to be kind to ourselves and take it one day at a time.

#5 - Pay attention to someone's actions. Not their words or your history with them.

Actions often speak louder than words or past behavior because they directly demonstrate a person's true intentions, priorities, and values. While words and past history can provide some insight into a person's character, actions are often the most reliable indicators of who someone truly is. They show what a person values, prioritizes, and how they interact with the world around them.

Watching what someone does is like reading a book about who they really are. You know how people say things, but sometimes their actions tell a different story? It's like that! Actions are like the truth serum because they show what someone really cares about and believes in. It's cool to hear nice words, but seeing someone actually doing those nice things matters way more. You know how sometimes people say sorry over and over, but they keep doing the same stuff? Actions show if they're really trying to change or if it's just talk. And even if someone had a weird past, the way they act now tells you if they've grown or if they're still the same. So, actions are like the real deal - way better than just words or what happened before.

#6 - Sometimes, relationships too young are not worth it.

Starting relationships when you're young can be a bit tricky. When you're still figuring out who you are and what you want, diving into a serious relationship might feel like a lot. Young relationships often come with unique challenges because both people are still growing and changing. Sometimes, those changes can lead you in different directions, and that's okay- it's part of growing up.

But hey, that doesn't mean they're not worth it at all! They can be incredibly special and teach you a lot about yourself and what you want in relationships. They can bring amazing moments, lots of learning, and even lifelong friendships. The key is to take it at a pace that feels right for you, communicate openly, and remember to keep growing as an individual while being in the relationship. Sometimes they work out, sometimes they don't, but each experience adds something valuable to your life story.

#7 - Pizza is ALWAYS a good idea.

Enough said.

#8 - Hourly is better than salary.

And you can’t convince me otherwise. With salary, you get a set pay. You can work 80 hours in a week or 40 hours in a week… you will get paid the same. Whereas, hourly people get paid every hour they are on the clock. So with me being salary, I keep track of my hours. Once I hit 40 hours, I'm grabbing my things and out the door. You might get 41 hours out of me on a good day - (I'll talk more on this in #12).

#9 - Literally, do what you want and need for yourself.

Yeah, of course you are going to make people angry for being selfish at times. And yeah, you may get a few judgmental looks, but at the end of the day, are they you? No!

If you aren’t paying my bills, loving up on me, and/or aren’t super close to me, I don’t care what you think of me. I would say, as long as I’m not hurting myself health/physical wise, …keep your comments to yourself. Or you can tell me, but don’t get angry with me when I don’t care.

#10 - Trust your intuition.

Your energy and body never lie. Follow the physical feeling your body is telling you. It tells you if you are making the right or wrong decision. Trust your gut.

#11 - Plan things to look forward to.

I'm known to take a weekend getaway. If I always have a trip planned, I always have something to look forward to. Usually, as I'm finishing up one trip, I'm looking through my calendar for dates for my next trip. I do, however, need smaller things to look forward to that aren't a trip. Like going to the movies with friends, going to the gym, or even something as casual/lazy as lighting candles, putting on sweats, having a glass of wine and cuddling with my dog on the sofa with a movie on.

#12 - "Go to work. Get your money. And come on home."

Toni Morrision said that. I like to say I followed in my mothers footsteps with my work ethic, I would work work work until I was burnt out. When I was supposed to be off from work, I continued to work. I would purposely take a day off in order to breathe, but I would myself doing work. I had to force myself not to check my emails. Not to answer a phone call. I learned over time to leave work at work. The minute I shut off my computer, I shut my brain off to work until the next morning when I walk into the office. With that, Toni Morrison also said, "Whatever the work is, do it well. You make the job, it doesn't make you." I want to be able to answer the questions, "Who are you?" and "What do you do?" without using my work to answer the question. I am not the work that I do, I am the person I am.

#13 - Attitude, maturity, and mindset are more attractive than looks.

That's it, that's the message. Sure, I love a good looking beau, but looks aren't going to win over my family. I need to know that mall is open and people are shopping up there.

#14 - Coffee & chocolate are life's essentials.

Um... Need I say more??

#15 - You will not have it all together like you thought you would.

When I was a kid, I thought that by the time I turned 25, I would have my life all figured out and the life that I dreamed of. Boyyyyyyyy, was I wrong!!! But truthfully, I wouldn't have my life any other way (that's a lie, there are a few things I would change). But what's meant for me, is what's meant for me and the Big Guy upstairs knows what he is doing for me.

#16 - Friends come and go.

Whether your friendship may end due to distance, a fight, or just a lack of effort on both sides, friends will come in and out of your life and that's perfectly fine.

#17 - Treat yourself.

Get that dress you always wanted. Buy that brownie. Buy those shoes. Birthday is coming up? Splurge on yourself. Had a successful and productive week at work? Buy yourself something nice. Extra money on y our paycheck? Spend it on yourself! You can treat yourself with someting so simple, like making yourself a cup of tea, relaxing all day, spa day, getting take out, etc. You should be able to treat yourself without any judgement.

#18 - Capture the moment.

One thing about me, I'm going to take a picture. Take a picture and cherish the moment. One day, you are going to look back at the pictures and smile. Doesn't matter if you are dressed up or not, take the photo. Take the photo to show your future kids how "cool" you were, take the photo to remember the moment when you are 87 years old, take the photo even if you aren't feeling your best... just take the photo.

#19 - Mental health comes first.

Pur you rmental health above all. Whatever it is you are going through, get help. If you are miserable, reach out and get better. I understand that anxiety and depression do not go away, but getting help will let you learn what to do about it. No job or person is worth your mental health (well maybe your kids, but also do right by them and get the help you need).

#20 - Find your therapy.

Writing helps me express my thoughts. Whether it's a love letter, an apology letter, or a letter in general - if you receive a letter from me... just know I really love you and value our friendship/relationship.

#21 - You can't please everyone.

For yearsssssss, I was a people pleaser. Part of me still is. But I learned you can't please everyone. SOMEONE is bound to get upset, hurt, or disappointed by your actions and you know what? It's FINE. It's perfectly ok! (Depending on the action, of course - don't just be out here committing crimes or breaking peoples hearts - that's not what I mean lol) It's just impossible to make everyone happy or satisfied all the time.

#22 - Family isn't always blood.

I could write a novel on this about my own family, but I will save ya'll the drama.

Maya Angelou stated, "Family isn’t always blood, it’s the people in your life who want you in theirs: the ones who accept you for who you are, the ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what.”

#23 - Sometimes, the people who say they will never do you like that.. are the same ones, who will in fact, do you like that.

It be your own.

#24 - You can't heal in the same enviornment that made you sick.

It's okay to walk away from something. You can't deal with past aching when receiving a new dose of hurting every day; the pain will keep piling.

#25 - Finding yourself is HARD, but fun!

It's a mixture of.. spending time alone, taking risks if it means you are doing something you are passionate about, making mistakes, and accepting yourself for who you are.

#26 - Move away from your hometown.

Home will always be home, don't get me wrong. But for me, moving away from the only area that I knew like the back of my hand, taught me so much about myself. And I'm still learning. While moving away from your hometown can be daunting, it often leads to significant personal and professional development, providing a broader perspective on life and opportunities for growth that may not have been available otherwise. It's essential to weigh the pros and cons and consider personal circumstances before making such a significant decision. Moving away can be exciting, but it also involves challenges like adjusting to a new environment, building new connections, and being away from family and old friends.

#27 - Ultimately, change is growth.

Change equals uncertainty, and uncertainty equals discomfort, and discomfort isn’t fun. Embracing change is challenging because it disrupts our familiar routines and can bring discomfort. However, within that discomfort lies the potential for transformation and improvement. Viewing uncertainty as an opportunity for variety can shift our mindset from fear to excitement, opening doors to new experiences, perspectives, and personal development.