What I Wish Older Church Members Knew About Millennials and Gen Z in Church

I grew up watching older generations fill the pews faithfully. Many of them still do and I’m genuinely grateful for their example. But as a millennial, and as someone doing life alongside Gen Z believers too, I’ve noticed a gap. Not just in age, but in understanding.

So this isn’t a rant. It’s a respectful ask. It’s what we wish you knew... not so you’ll change everything, but so we can walk more closely together as God intended.

1. We’re Not Here to Tear It All Down

We know things have changed. We may not wear suits and dresses to Sunday service or sing from hymnals. The music is louder, the clothes are different, and we might take notes on our phones instead of on paper. But that doesn’t mean we don’t value the church or its legacy. We aren't trying to replace the church you built. We want to build on it, not bulldoze it. Our worship might look more expressive, and our questions might be louder, but our desire for Jesus is just as real.

Millennials want to carry the legacy forward. Gen Z wants to know if it’s worth carrying. If you help us see the roots, we’ll help grow the branches.

2. Authenticity Speaks Louder Than Authority

We deeply respect experience. We crave realness. But if you want us to listen, don’t lead with credentials, lead with honesty. We don't expect our pastors, or our elders, to be perfect. Tell us what you’ve wrestled with. Talk about the seasons when your faith was tested. That vulnerability earns more influence with us than polished advice ever will.

We respect honesty over image, vulnerability over polish. When you open up about your own struggles or past mistakes, you don’t lose authority in our eyes... you gain credibility. Faith, for us, isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about showing up anyway.

Gen Z especially craves leaders who are real. If you’ve messed up, say so. If you’ve doubted, tell us how you came through it. We don’t need perfect... we need human.

3. We’re Not Entitled... We’re Just Hungry

We’re often labeled as self-centered or demanding. But really, many of us are spiritually hungry and just want someone to take us seriously. We want mentorship, not micromanagement. Community, not control. Don’t mistake our need for purpose as arrogance. Most of us are looking for a seat at the table, not to take the head of it.

Yes, we ask questions.

Yes, we challenge things sometimes.

But not because we think we know better, it’s because we want something deeper. We’re not content with surface-level spirituality. We’re searching for a faith that holds up in a broken world.

Invite us into meaningful conversations, not just service schedules. Give us purpose, not just programs.

4. We’re Fighting Different Battles

You may have grown up in a world where culture reinforced church values. You may have grown up in a world that taught “God said it, I believe it, that settles it.” We’re growing up in a world where culture often pushes back... hard. We’re navigating a culture that constantly questions whether God said anything at all. For Gen Z, especially, everything is online, everything is questioned, and truth feels like a moving target.

Faith feels like swimming upstream in a flood of deconstruction, doubt, and digital noise. When we walk into church, many of us are exhausted from constantly trying to reconcile what we believe with the world we live in. Please don’t see our questions as rebellion, they’re invitations for relationship. Be patient with us.

5. We Want Your Wisdom. Not Just Your Warnings

We need you. We need your stories, your testimonies, your steady faith. But we also need your trust. We want to learn from you. We just need to feel safe doing it. Ask us how we're really doing. Mentor us over coffee. Don’t just tell us what not to do, show us how to live fully in Christ. Share how God's been faithful in your story.

Millennials want mentors. Gen Z wants models. Be available. Be approachable. Share the hard lessons and the holy ones. We won’t always say it, but we’re listening. Your wisdom is gold, but only if it's shared with humility.

6. We Need Grace to Grow

We’re going to mess up. Sometimes we'll get passionate about the wrong things or speak before we fully understand. We might ghost a Bible study or post something dumb. But we’re trying. We’re searching. We’re showing up. That counts for something.

Please don’t write us off when we fall short of your expectations. Don’t assume we’re lost just because we’re loud. Walk with us, even when we wander. Help us rise. Correct us when needed... but cover us in grace. Be the person who welcomes us home, not the one who resents our journey.

At the end of the day, we’re not so different. We're all part of the same body. Different ages, same mission. Different expressions, same Savior.

We want what you want: to know God, to make a difference, and to live a life that matters. I believe the future of the church depends on our willingness to understand each other... to listen, to learn, and to love across the generational divide. The church needs both your wisdom and our wonder. Your consistency and our creativity.

So to every older church member reading this: thank you for your prayers, your patience, and your presence. Thank you for your faithfulness. Please don't stop believing in ours. We’re not trying to replace you. We just want to walk beside you.

Let’s build a church where every generation finds a home.