Becoming 30: Giving Myself the Love I Keep Giving Others

For a long time, loving other people came naturally to me.

Showing up. Checking in. Remembering the little things. Giving grace. Being patient. Being understanding. Pouring into people, even when I was running low myself.

That part was easy.

What wasn’t easy was turning that same love inward.

Somewhere along the way, I got really good at making sure everyone else felt seen while quietly ignoring myself. I could encourage other people all day, remind them of their worth, tell them not to settle, tell them to rest, tell them to protect their peace…

…and then struggle to take my own advice.

I’d give people chances I probably shouldn’t have. I’d extend grace until it turned into self-neglect. I’d pour and pour and pour, thinking love meant always being available, always being understanding, always being the one who stayed.

And if I’m being honest, sometimes I confuse overextending with love.

I thought loving people well meant sacrificing myself in the process.

It took me a while to realize that love was never supposed to cost me my peace. And sometimes I find myself going back to my old ways.

That was and still is a hard lesson.

Because when you’re used to being the “strong one” or the dependable one, it can feel selfish to choose yourself. It can feel wrong to set boundaries. It can feel uncomfortable to stop overexplaining, stop overgiving, and stop trying to earn the kind of love you freely give.

But I’m learning that choosing myself isn’t selfish... it’s necessary.

Giving myself the love I keep giving others looks like resting without guilt. Saying no without writing a five paragraph explanation. Walking away from things that drain me. Speaking to myself with more kindness. Holding myself to the same compassion I offer everyone else.

It looks like asking: Would I let someone I love stay in this situation?

And if the answer is no…why am I okay with it for myself?

That question has checked me more than once.

Because sometimes we accept less for ourselves than we would ever allow for the people we care about. We tolerate confusion, inconsistency, and emotional exhaustion while telling everyone else they deserve better.

At some point, I had to realize: that includes me too.

I deserve peace too.

I deserve reciprocity too.

I deserve softness too.

Not just from other people…but from myself.

And honestly, I think that’s one of the biggest parts of growing up. Realizing that self-love isn’t always glamorous. Sometimes it looks like discipline. Sometimes it looks like boundaries. Sometimes it looks like finally admitting that something, or someone, is no longer good for you.

Sometimes love looks like leaving. And faith has challenged me in that too.

Because I’ve had to learn that God never asked me to abandon myself in order to love others well. Love and wisdom go together. Grace and boundaries can exist in the same place.

I keep coming back to Mark 12:31: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

That part… as yourself, matters.

Because if I’m constantly running on empty, constantly neglecting myself, constantly accepting less than I know I need… that affects everything.

I can’t keep pouring from a place that’s dry.

So this season of “Becoming 30” has looked like learning how to love myself better.

Not in a surface-level, treat-yourself kind of way. But in a real way. In the choices I make. In the standards I keep. In the peace I protect.

In finally believing that I am worthy of the same love I so freely give away.

And that’s still a journey.

I’m still learning. Still unlearning. Still catching myself when I start slipping back into old patterns.

But I know this much: I can’t keep teaching people how to love me while refusing to love myself well first.

So now, I’m choosing differently.

More boundaries.

More honesty.

More peace.

More care for the person I have to live with every single day… me.

Maybe turning 30 isn’t just about becoming a better person. Maybe it’s finally about taking some of that love back for myself.